A fake orgasm occurs when a person pretends to have an orgasm without actually experiencing one. It usually involves simulating or acting out behaviors typically associated with orgasm, such as body movements, vocal sounds, and sequences of intensification followed by apparent release. It can also include giving verbal indications that orgasm occurred.

Sex differences

Both men and women do it, but women fake orgasms more frequently than men. In a survey of 180 male and 101 female college students (introductory psychology students from the University of Kansas), Muehlenhard & Shippee (2009) found that 25% of men and 50% of women had pretended orgasming (28% and 67%, respectively, for participants with experience in penile–vaginal intercourse (PVI)). Although most pretended orgasms during PVI, some also pretended during oral sex, manual sex, and phone sex.[1] The ABC News 2004 "American Sex Survey", a random-sample telephone poll of 1,501 Americans, showed that 48% of women and 11% of men faked orgasm.[2] A 2012 joint survey of men's lifestyle site AskMen and women's lifestyle site TresSugar (now PopSugar) found that 34% of men and 54% of women had at some point faked an orgasm; 26% of women even said they faked an orgasm every time they had sex.[3] Other studies have found that anywhere from 25 to 74% of women admit to having faked an orgasm at some point in their lives.[4][5][6] This is more than the 25 percent of women who, according to Psychology Today in 2010, reported consistently having an orgasm during coitus.[7] Women tend to achieve orgasm during intercourse less readily than men because most women require direct clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm,[8][9] and not all sexual positions provide access to the clitoris, which often makes orgasms difficult to achieve for women. For women in heterosexual relationships, faking an orgasm can also be based on deference to the man, need for his approval, or feelings of shame or sexual inadequacy.[10] As there appears to be 'a sexual script in which women should orgasm before men, and men are responsible for women's orgasms', a woman could feel pressured to fake an orgasm before her male partner orgasmed in order to please her male partner and avoid hurting his feelings.[1]

A man could also decide to fake an orgasm for several reasons; for example, when he failed to orgasm but did not want to hurt his partner's feelings by perhaps giving the impression he did not find her attractive (enough).[1] Another reason could be that he wanted to end the sex, but held to the idea that sex is not finished until the man has orgasmed, and so he therefore pretended that it had happened.[1] It could also be that the man actually did not want to have sex to start with, but he felt obligated to have sex when his partner asked for it because of the myth that men always want sex, and he did not want to appear 'unmanly'.[1] For men, it is more difficult to fake an orgasm, since ejaculation usually accompanies orgasm in males, and their partners can usually see that happening or not. Faking orgasms in men becomes easier while using condoms.[11] In rare cases, a man is worried that the condom is torn or will tear, and that he will unintentionally make his partner pregnant, and so he fakes an orgasm in order to avoid ejaculation.[1]

Brain activity

In a 2005 University of Groningen study conducted by Gert Holstege and Janniko R. Georgiadis, the brain activity of 24 men and women (12 couples) was observed in an MRI scanner in different circumstances.[12][13] For the female participants, their brain was scanned in four states: simply resting, faking an orgasm, having their clitoris stimulated by their male partner's fingers, and clitoral stimulation to the point of orgasm.[14] Brain scans found that, when women were tasked to fake an orgasm, the female brain centres that control conscious movement remained active, whereas when they experienced real orgasms, all activity disappeared from the movement control centres, and the light from the emotional centres of the brain went out as well.[12][13][14] With the exception of some Brodmann areas of the cerebral cortex (which only showed activation in men), the same brain regions were activated or shut down in men and women during real orgasms (although the female orgasm was found to be longer and more intense on average).[12][13]

According to a PET study by Huynh et al. (2013) the dorsolateral (left) side of the pontine tegmentum area was always activated whenever women had a real orgasm, attempted but failed to have an orgasm, and imitated (faked) an orgasm, whereas the ventrolateral (right) side of the pontine tegmentum was only activated when women had a real orgasm.[15]

Other factors

Reasons for faking orgasm based on ABC News 2004 "The American Sex Survey" poll[2]

Orgasm is not always achieved easily during sexual activity. For both sexes, the condition of being unable to orgasm during sex is known as anorgasmia; it can be caused by a variety of factors, including factors in one's life such as stress, anxiety, depression, or fatigue, as well as factors related to the sex itself; including worry, guilt, fear of painful intercourse, fear of pregnancy, the undesirability of a partner, and the undesirability of a setting. It can also be caused by drug use, including alcohol and other substances, or side effects from prescription drugs.[16]

People can fake orgasms for number of reasons, such as when their partner wants them to orgasm but they are unable, or when they desire to stop having sex but are not comfortable telling their partner directly, avoiding negative consequences, or for pleasing their partner.[17]

That women should fake an orgasm was, about the year AD 2, recommended by the Roman poet Ovid in his famous book Ars Amatoria:

So, then, my dear ones, feel the pleasure in the very marrow of your bones; share it fairly with your lover, say pleasant, naughty things the while. And if Nature has withheld from you the sensation of pleasure, then teach your lips to lie and say you feel it all. Unhappy is the woman who feels no answering thrill. But, if you have to pretend, don't betray yourself by over-acting. Let your movements and your eyes combine to deceive us, and, gasping, panting, complete the illusion.[18]

Patricia Watson (2002) noted that, although a preceding line (sentiat ex imis Venerem resoluta medullis / femina, et ex aequo res iuuet illa duos) advises that women should enjoy sex, too, the context shows that Ovid was primarily concerned with male sexual satisfaction: he recommended which sexual positions would make the woman most appealing to the man, and that if the woman was unable to orgasm, she should at least fake it for her male lover's enjoyment.[19]

People can also fake orgasms for reasons of display or presentation, such as during phone sex,[1] or in pornography.[20]: 13–15 

Women with higher incomes than their partner are twice as likely to fake orgasms and have a lower rate of sexual satisfaction. Perceived masculine frigility also increases fake orgasms and decreases stisfaction.[21]

Feminists have asserted that women faking orgasms is a sign of male-centered sexuality; in a society that celebrates only male sexual pleasure, women may feel pressured to engage in acts that bring their male partners to orgasm but that do not provide them physical pleasure. Women in a discussion group in 1967 analyzed their motivations for faking orgasms and decided that faking was a response to pressures placed upon them by men. As such, the urge to fake an orgasm often sits in a broader context of other problems with sexual repression or male-centered sexuality. Many of these women also experienced feelings such as sexual rejection by their partners, or on the other hand, unwanted sexual attention; some were afraid to tell their partners what they wanted, and others said their partners resented being told what they wanted.[22]

Hugo M. Mialon developed a game theoretical analysis of faking orgasms as a signaling game. Only some of the predictions of his model were consistent with survey data used to check the validity of the model. Among other things, the survey data suggested that both women and men who would be more concerned if their partner were faking are less likely to fake themselves, and that older women and men are more likely to fake than younger ones.[23]

One study of orgasm found that women who fake orgasms were more likely to neglect their partners and flirt with other men at social gatherings. The authors of this study speculated that women who fake orgasms may be more likely to engage in sexual intercourse with men other than their partner, although they recommended caution at interpreting their findings due to a small data set and a large number of variables being studied.[24]

In therapy or counseling, women are more likely to inaccurately portray their sexual behavior (such as by claiming to orgasm when they do not) to a male therapist than to a female one, although women may still withhold the same information from female therapists.[10]

Evolutionary perspective

From an evolutionary perspective, females might fake orgasms in order to signal fidelity to a male partner, particularly if he is of low-genetic quality.[25] If a female has sex with many partners (employing a polygamous mating strategy), her aim may be to secure benefits from multiple males, such as resources, whilst aiming to only reproduce with males of high-genetic quality.[26] In order to secure resources from low-genetic males, the female would need to imply commitment to reproduction with each male, as males do not want to waste resources on a female who may not sire their child.[26]

A true orgasm is known to increase the number of sperm carried to the uterus post-male orgasm (suggesting reproductive benefits)[27] and has suggested pair-bonding benefits.[26] Faking an orgasm with a low-genetic quality mate would lead that mate to believe that: a) they could be the father of a child born to that mother[26] and b) that the female is committed to them and them alone, because she appears satisfied.[26]

A fake orgasm could also be a mate-retention technique, as research has indicated that women who perceive a greater risk of infidelity from their partner report a greater number of faked orgasms.[28] This behavior would be beneficial for the female in retaining a long-term mate, as women who appear to have frequent orgasms have partners that report higher levels of satisfaction in their relationship, in comparison to women that do not orgasm as frequently.[28] Some research has indicated that women who fake orgasm frequently have also been shown to display other mate retention behaviors, which include:

  • Mate guarding (e.g. paying attention to who the partner is spending time with and often checking up on them);
  • Inter-sexual negative inducements (flirting with another individual whilst their partner is looking);
  • Positive inducements (e.g. dressing in a certain manner to impress their partner)
  • Displaying possession signals in public (e.g., kissing a partner in view of other females who are seen as a threat); and,
  • Intra-sexual negative inducements (e.g., displaying aggressive behavior towards another female who is caught looking at their partner).

The frequency to which these other forms of mate retention occur is directly related to the risk of infidelity; limited research indicates that once the risk of infidelity is controlled for, the prevalence of other mate retention behaviors are greatly reduced.[28]

Fake orgasm has also been shown to function as a mate-retention technique when the female, as opposed to the male, has a higher risk of infidelity.[29] For example, it has been suggested that a main function of female orgasm is to retain the sperm of a favored partner, therefore it is advantageous for men to pay attention to their partners orgasm to ensure they have been selected.[29] Men who are heavily invested in their relationship would experience greater costs in potential cuckoldry and sperm competition.[29] Consequently, in situations where the woman has a perceived high risk of infidelity, men may be especially interested in ensuring their partner attains a copulatory orgasm.[29] Due to this attentiveness, women may fake an orgasm in order to manipulate their level of commitment signalling mate selection to their partner. Commitment manipulation is a mate-retention technique in itself, often displayed by a partner when there is a perceived risk of infidelity.[30] While research has shown that 25 percent of males also display fake orgasms,[1] there is limited research into this area with no current evidence suggesting that men fake an orgasm to retain a mate. The main reasons men gave for faking an orgasm is that they wanted the sex to end as achieving orgasm was unlikely but did not want to hurt the feelings of their partner.[1]

A study of orgasms in female humans suggested that most men are quite accurate in knowing whether their partners faked orgasm or not.[31] In this study, accuracy was varied (for example, one man suggesting that his partner never faked orgasm, and his partner suggesting that she faked orgasm 100 percent of the time), but the general moderate accuracy of men in detecting fake orgasm suggests that it may be an evolutionary counter-adaptation by men in order to not be fooled into believing female attempts at implying commitment (monogamy) and in order to detect the true satisfaction levels of the female partner. The idea that men place great importance on female mate orgasm[31] lends support to this theory.

In the media

Katz's Deli sign above the table where the fake orgasm occurred in the film When Harry Met Sally...[32]

The topic of fake orgasm was brought to the mainstream in 1970 by Susan Lydon, who published "The Politics of Orgasm" in Ramparts magazine. [33] She wrote, "With their men, they often fake orgasm to appear 'good in bed' and thus place an intolerable physical burden on themselves and a psychological burden on the men unlucky enough to see through the ruse." Newspapers and radio talk shows debated her work. Women began to demand equal rights in bed, insisting that their pleasure was its own goal.[34][35]

The 1989 American film When Harry Met Sally... is well known for a scene in which the character Sally, played by Meg Ryan, fakes an orgasm while sitting in a crowded deli in order to demonstrate how persuasive a fake orgasm can be.[32]

In "The Mango" episode of the American sitcom television program Seinfeld, the main characters Elaine and Kramer admit to faking orgasms, and another main character, George, becomes paranoid that his own girlfriend has been faking orgasms based on Elaine's admission that she faked orgasms "all the time" while with Jerry, who subsequently becomes desperate to have orgasmic sex with Elaine in order to "save the friendship."[36]

See also

Look up fakegasm or fauxgasm in Wiktionary, the free dictionary.

References

  1. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Muehlenhard, Charlene L.; Shippee, Sheena K. (2010-11-02). "Men's and Women's Reports of Pretending Orgasm". The Journal of Sex Research. 47 (6): 552–567. doi:10.1080/00224490903171794. ISSN 0022-4499. PMID 19707929. S2CID 29485759.
  2. 1 2 "The American Sex Survey" (PDF). ABC News. 2004. Retrieved 5 February 2022. (p. 6)
  3. ↑ "Men Fake Orgasms HOW Often?". Huffpost. 29 July 2012. Retrieved 5 February 2022.
  4. ↑ Kalman, H. (2013). "Faking orgasms and the idea of successful sexuality" (PDF). Janus Head. 13 (1): 97–118. doi:10.5840/jh20141316.
  5. ↑ Hite, Shere (2004). The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality. Seven Stories Press. ISBN 9781583225691.
  6. ↑ Mialon, Hugo M. (2012). "The Economics of Faking Ecstasy". Economic Inquiry. 50 (1): 277–285. doi:10.1111/j.1465-7295.2011.00379.x. ISSN 1465-7295. PMID 22329055. S2CID 17345704.
  7. ↑ "How to Boost a Woman's Chance of Orgasm During Intercourse". Psychology Today. Retrieved 12 March 2016.
  8. ↑ Rosenthal, Martha (2012). Human Sexuality: From Cells to Society. Cengage Learning. pp. 134–135. ISBN 978-0618755714. Retrieved January 25, 2014.
  9. ↑ Kammerer-Doak, Dorothy; Rogers, Rebecca G. (June 2008). "Female Sexual Function and Dysfunction". Obstetrics and Gynecology Clinics of North America. 35 (2): 169–183. doi:10.1016/j.ogc.2008.03.006. PMID 18486835. Most women report the inability to achieve orgasm with vaginal intercourse and require direct clitoral stimulation ... About 20% have coital climaxes...
  10. 1 2 Person, E.S. (1983). "Women in Therapy: Therapist Gender as a Variable." Int. R. Psycho-Anal., 10:193-204.
  11. ↑ Sohn, A. (16 February 2004). "Snow Job". New York Magazine. Retrieved 5 February 2022.
  12. 1 2 3 Katrijn Serneels (22 June 2005). "Hersenscans tonen verschil in orgasme bij mannen en vrouwen". De Morgen (in Dutch). Retrieved 4 February 2022.
  13. 1 2 3 Rosa M. Fernandez. "Invited Talks. 23. Brain activation during orgasm is basically the same in men and women" (PDF). Society for Behavioral Neuroendocrinology Annual Meeting Abstracts. Society for Behavioral Neuroendocrinology. Retrieved 4 February 2022. (p. 132).
  14. 1 2 Michael Le Page (20 June 2005). "Orgasms: A real 'turn-off' for women". New Scientist. Retrieved 4 February 2022.
  15. ↑ Levin, R. J. (2014). "The pharmacology of the human female orgasm — Its biological and physiological backgrounds". Pharmacology Biochemistry and Behavior. Elsevier. 121: 62–70. doi:10.1016/j.pbb.2014.02.010. PMID 24560912. S2CID 25844201. Retrieved 4 February 2022.
  16. ↑ "Anorgasmia". MedicineNet. Retrieved 12 March 2016.
  17. ↑ Grohol, J.M. (14 Sep 2009). "Why Women (and Men!) Fake Orgasm". World of Psychology. (The actual study is not printed yet, until then there's no other resource on that.)
  18. ↑ Ars Amatoria, Ovid circa 1 AD. Part III. p. 180.
  19. ↑ Watson, Patricia (2002). "Paecepta amoris: Ovid's Didactic Elegy". Brill's Companion to Ovid. Leiden: Brill. p. 159. ISBN 9789047400950. Retrieved 4 February 2022.
  20. ↑ Taormino, Tristan; Shimizu, Celine Parreñas; Penley, Constance; Miller-Young, Mireille (2013). The Feminist Porn Book: The Politics of Producing Pleasure. New York: Feminist Press at the City University of New York. ISBN 9781558618190. OCLC 828140733.
  21. ↑ "Perceived fragile masculinity stifles sexual satisfaction and honest communication, study finds". EurekAlert!. Retrieved 2023-11-21.
  22. ↑ Alix Kates Shulman, "Sex and Power: Sexual Bases of Radical Feminism", Signs, Vol. 5, No. 4, Women: Sex and Sexuality. (Summer, 1980), pp. 590-604.
  23. ↑ Archived 2006-12-05 at the Wayback Machine Hugo M. Mialon, "The Economics of Faking Ecstasy", July 16, 2007
  24. ↑ Randy Thornhill, Steven W. Gangestad, Randall Comer, "Human female orgasm and mate fluctuating asymmetry", Animal Behaviour, Volume 50, Issue 6, 1995, Pages 1601-1615.
  25. ↑ Ellsworth, R.M. & Bailey, D.H. (2013). Human female orgasm as evolved signal: a test of two hypotheses. Archive of Sexual Behaviour, 42, 1545-1554.
  26. 1 2 3 4 5 Shackelford, Todd K.; Goetz, Aaron T. (2012-01-04). The Oxford Handbook of Sexual Conflict in Humans. Oxford University Press 9780199908301. p. 384. ISBN 9780199908301.
  27. ↑ Whipple, Beverly; Komisaruk, Barry R.; Beyer-Flores, Carlos (2006). The science of orgasm. Baltimore: Johns Hopkins University Press. ISBN 978-0801888953.
  28. 1 2 3 Kaighobadi, F.; Shackelford, T. K.; Weekes-Shackelford, V. (2012). "Do women pretend orgasm to retain a mate?". Archives of Sexual Behavior. 41 (5): 1121–1125. doi:10.1007/s10508-011-9874-6. PMC 3563256. PMID 22089325.
  29. 1 2 3 4 McKibbin, William F.; Bates, Vincent M.; Shackelford, Todd K.; Hafen, Christopher A.; LaMunyon, Craig W. (2010-12-01). "Risk of sperm competition moderates the relationship between men's satisfaction with their partner and men's interest in their partner's copulatory orgasm". Personality and Individual Differences. 49 (8): 961–966. doi:10.1016/j.paid.2010.08.005.
  30. ↑ Buss, David M.; Shackelford, Todd K. (1997-02-01). "From vigilance to violence: Mate retention tactics in married couples". Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 72 (2): 346–361. CiteSeerX 10.1.1.387.7053. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.72.2.346. ISSN 1939-1315. PMID 9107005.
  31. 1 2 Thornhill, Randy; Gangestad, Steven W.; Comer, Randall (1995-01-01). "Human female orgasm and mate fluctuating asymmetry". Animal Behaviour. 50 (6): 1601–1615. doi:10.1016/0003-3472(95)80014-X. S2CID 44103857.
  32. 1 2 Alptraum, Lux (2018). Faking It: The Lies Women Tell about Sex, And the Truths They Reveal. Hachette UK. p. 11. ISBN 9781580057660. Retrieved 2 February 2022.
  33. ↑ Woo, Elaine (July 26, 2005). "Susan Lydon, 61; Author of Influential Feminist Essay". Los Angeles Times.
  34. ↑ Greenberg, Brian; Watts, Linda S. (2009). Social History of the United States: The 1900s. ABC-CLIO. p. 251. ISBN 978-1-85109-904-7.
  35. ↑ "Susan Lydon". The Times. London. August 4, 2005. Retrieved August 28, 2020.
  36. ↑ Delaney, Tim (2006). Seinology: The Sociology of Seinfeld. Prometheus Books. p. 129. ISBN 9781591023951. Retrieved 4 February 2022.
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